A Fresh Start

Tweet This time last year my partner received a letter telling him he was under threat of redundancy. By June he was on 'gardening leave' and in October he was officially made redundant.

From that point on he faced the indignity of having to sign on every fortnight and we became reliant on Tax Credits and Income Support. Thankfully he had received a reasonable pay out so we knew we had some money to fall back on, but in reality we never knew how long the situation would last.

To say the past 9 months have been difficult would be an understatement. It tested us both to our limits - his anger at his employer and the 'system', the stress of being with each 24/7 with 2 small children, the feelings of helplessness being reliant on benefit, the depression that resulted, and the subsequant healing and putting ourselves back together, as individuals and as a couple.

And now, he has a new job which he starts in a week. After 9 months of shared childcare I will go back to flying solo with the girls. And do you know what? I feel like I've lost my nerve. I feel like I did when he took paternity leave when the girls were born. Knowing that the minute he went back to work it would all be down to me.

I've moaned about him being under my feet, and thought that the intensity of being together every day was bad for us. But in a week he will have a 90 minute commute each way on top of a full working day. He'll be up with the lark and back (hopefully) just in time to see the girls before they go to bed.

If I'm knackered or poorly I won't be able to have a lie in while he gets our eldest ready for school. If it's raining he won't be able to nip out in the car to collect her. If we run out of milk or loo roll, he won't be here to pop round the shop. If someone comes to the door, cold calling, he won't be here to tell them to get lost. And I'll have to make my own cups of tea.

I'm really happy for him and for us - it's a chance for a fresh start. I just wish I'd been more grateful and looked a bit harder for all the good things our situation afforded us, rather than being so willing to see the bad.